Fullmetal Wizard
by lrr
Summary: The brothers pick up a lead on the philosopher's stone and head to Hogwarts. Upon their arrival, they discover certain student seems to know an awful lot about the Elric's past. FMA/HP crossover. T because Ed's got a vulgar way of speaking on occasion.
1. New Assignment

Lrr: Ello!! chap one was edited. ._. there were a lot of holes... I don't like those holes.

So... Yup. Revision

Really wanted to start this for a long time. When I couldn't sleep I'd just imagine what would happen xD

Unfortunately I can't get it down on paper -computer?- that well so.. bear with me! :D

Note: Any of those amazing people who alerted... I don't know how alerts go. So if this is it just...

gah i'm making no sense.

Skip D:

///\\\

"What the hell- Hogwarts? What, does this place have warty hogs running around or something? No wait.. It's a school?" Edward Elric skimmed over the document hastily, then looked up at Roy suspiciously. "What are you playing at?"

Roy Mustang sighed and reached for the document, "There will be no warty hogs running around. Though the headmaster did warn us of a hag.. Never mind," He shrugged, "It's pretty basic. This school needs some help. Their ministry is short on help, so the Headmaster sent for us for help."

Ed glared at him, "In other words I'm going to be doing nonstop chores?"

He gazed calmly at the boy, somehow making it seem arrogant, "There's some talk of a certain 'Philosopher's Stone.' There was an incident some years back involving a stone. You were the first I thought of for this mission."

Immediately, Ed's thoughts toward this assignment changed, "Ah.. Of course! Where do I have to go? Train Station? Where is this place anyway?" I reached for the papers, but he held them out my reach.

"I'm afraid the place in question is... somewhere in Europe. It won't say where. Judging from the coordinates it's in the middle of nowhere. But the wizards didn't want any muggles, normal humans, I guess, to find a place where things like.. well you'll figure it out when you get there." He pulled out a small bag and handed it to me, "Courtesy of Professor Dumbledore. This is wizard money, they don't use yen in Europe."

Ed stared at Roy Mustang. Obviously he had lost his mind. Not that he'd had much to begin with.. "Uh. Wizards? Excuse me, Colonel but is your head screwed on right? 'Cause you lost me. Wizards? What, will there be witches and dragons next?"

Roy merely chuckled, "Magic isn't so distant from our Alchemy, Ed. Wizards draw their powers from wands and potions, while we, as you know, use transmutation circles."

Ed folded my arms, "Wands? How can someone get power from a stick of wood?"

"Your brother gets powers from a stick of chalk. I get power from a glove. You'll get used to their art."

"I doubt it. Sounds like cult stuff. What about the stone?" Ed pressed, "You said there was a Philosopher's Stone. How did it get to the school?"

Roy rested his chin on criss crossed fingers, "I'm afraid Dumbledore forbade me from telling you. He seems like a genuine man and I don't wish to go back on his word."

_Old Fart. If Mustang thinks he's "genuine," I'm screwed. _"So when do I leave? I can take Al right?" Then I though about something, "Does this guy know about Al's... condition?"

"I'll let him explain when you get there," Roy reached into a folder and pulled out what looked like two train tickets, "Okay, you're train leaves in about a half hour. You might wanna get yourself to the station soon.. I just wanna warn you.." But Ed was out the door before he could finish.

"C'mon Al!" Edward took off running, his brother following behind with the suitcase.

"Where are we going brother?" The clanging of empty metal told me he was right behind him.

Grinning, the young alchemist said the words his brother wanted to hear, "We've got a lead."

////\\\\

The train was one the brothers had never taken before. It took a while for them to find someone who actually knew where the damn thing was. The woman who pointed it out to me was unlike any woman they had every seen. She was wearing a cloak or robe.. But they were on board now, waiting for the thing to take off.

"Ed?" Al's voice was still stranded in his early childhood. It still couldn't mature.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think this is it?" The hunk of metal still had Al's voice. And his face... His eyes.

"Yeah." Ed glanced over at him and grinned, "This is it, Al. I can feel it," how many times he'd said that!

"Okay. Thanks, Brother."

////\\\\

When the train took off, Ed nearly had a heart attack. The thing _flew_. Ed really didn't wanna describe it, seeing that, to this day, he beings shaking at the mere though of it.

He was thinking the whole time, "GET ME OFF!!"

////\\\\

But alas, most new things must come to an end. Thank whatever god is out there.

Wobbly kneed in Ed's case -even the _metal_ one- and clanging in Al's the pair exited the train.

"That bastard!! What the hell is thinking not warning me about _flying trains!?_" Ed punched a barrier on the way to the next platform. Al gave a shaky laugh and kept walking.

"Okay. We're looking for platform... nine and three quarters," Ed looked up, brushing hair aside to see platforms nine and ten. That was all. Not a thing in between.

"Brother?" Al was looking too.

"Dammit. If this is a joke-"

"Packed with muggles. Just like every year. Come one, then!!" The brothers heard somewhere. Turning, Ed saw a rather large group of people coming our way. Didn't Mustang say something about muggles? Oh well. Wouldn't hurt to ask....

~_~_~_~

haha... "Ed Ed Ed" "Brothers brothers brothers."

How can I repay you broooother mine? ._. ..


	2. A Long Ride

LRR: ello luvs! Well I'm really bored right about now. So... story!! I'm lazy, forgive me.

Ignore the whole Japanese to English thing please.

I know a lot of people have read Harry Potter uno, so I'm gonna be lax with description -seeing at I suck at them-

//// \\\\

Al and I hung back for a while, pretending to read over our tickets, talking loudly. Poor Al's hollow voice was attracting stares and giggles. I figured we better not talk to anyone. We were a pair of misfit sinners who had no idea what this magic was and nothing but alchemy and martial arts under our belt. Let's not mention the fact that my little brother was a bulking suit of armor. Yeah, better to lay low.

We watched three of the redheads, the black haired kid, the brunette girl, and all the luggage vanish through the barrier without a trace.

Before the short woman could disappear, I shot Al a glance saying, 'This will somehow be your fault if it's a hummunculi" and walked up to her, "Um, Miss? Could you tell me how to.. uh. Board the nonexistence train?" I blushed a little, noticing her glancing furtively at Al.

"Do you mean to get onto the platform?" I nodded, "That's easy, dear. Just walk straight at the wall between platforms nine and ten. New to hogwarts?"

I nodded again and nudged Al toward the wall, feeling her eyes on our backs. She was a polite lady trying not to notice the fact that _my brother is a suit of armor! _Rolling my eyes, I tugged Al behind me and walked straight through the wall, which seemed to melt away to show a train.

I turned around to see the wall behind me, looking solid as any other wall I would find, "Creepy."

Al was looking at the train. It really was magnificent. It could outclass any train we'd ever been on, and we've been on a LOT of trains. This particular train was a bold scarlet. Absolutely stunning. And right now I was suddenly feeling very claustrophobic. There were so many students. I wasn't accustomed to so many kids people running around. There was also the fact that I hadn't been to school since before.. Oh well.

I grabbed Al's big arm again and we made our way through the crowd, hearing hello's, goodbyes, and gossip.

"Come on, give us a peek, Lee," I heard someone say. I turned to see a boy open his box a little and a creature stuck out a hairy leg. I could feel my eyes widen. A Chimera? I turned around again, before any memories could wiggle into my mind, and with my brother boarded the train.

There weren't many people on yet, most of them outside. I saw a girl with big eyes and dirty blond hair reading a magazine upside down, but no one else.

Al and I found an empty compartment.

"Well, Al. I think I'm going to take a nap," I yawned and stretched out on the seats.

"But, brother! You just took one before we saw the Roy," Al sighed, "Fine, I'll wake you up when we get there."

"Thanks, Al. You're the best," I grinned at him and before I knew it I was out like a light.

///__\\\

Put a bannanner in your eeear.

Okay so of course the gang's gonna sit with Ed and Al. Why wouldn't they?

Review please? I need guidance xD


	3. Tell me your Story

LRR: gack. I'm fighting laziness. It's so strong.

NOTE: Just clearing things up, Ed's not attending. He doesn't need any supplies. And if I ever force him into a potions lesson -smirk- Snape will very begrudgingly lend out his ingredients.

Forgive me. I don't know how to spell Amistris. Or wherever they live...

If you would, tell me in a review -as if that isn't subliminal messaging-

Xoxo

"Brother. Brother?" Wearily, I opened my eyes.

"What is it, Al?" I groaned and rolled over on seat, almost falling, "We can't be there yet.."

"Um, pardon us, but everywhere else is full," I looked up to see three of the people from before. One with black hair and glasses., one with red, and the other a girl with brown hair.

"Oh, uh. Yeah, sure." I got up and sat next to Al motioning for them to sit across from us.

They introduced themselves as Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"And this is Crookshanks," Hermione held up what looked like a mangled hairball. I heard Al gasp.

"Oh it's so cute, Hermione!" I was about to ask _what_ was so cute when I saw the squashed face. A cat.

"It looks like a pig with hair," Ron and I said at the same time. We grinned at each other while Hermione scoffed a bit.

"So what's your name?" Harry asked.

"Oh, my name's Edward. Edward Elric. And this is my brother Alphonse Elric."

"If you don't mind me asking, Al, why do you wear that armor? Or are you going to join the rest of the armor at school?"

"Uh- um. Yeah!" Al was sweating.. Well. Doing whatever it was armor did.

"You may have heard of us," Al added. But all we got were blank faces.

"Huh, that kind of surprises me. We're pretty famous.. At least in Amestris." I frowned a bit. How far away did Roy send us?

"Well, you didn't know Harry. Frankly, you must be senseless not to know how famous 'The Boy Who Lived' is." Ron rubbed at his nose, while Harry glared at him.

"'The Boy Who Lived,' huh? Nice title. How'd you get it?" I leaned a little away from Al. There really wasn't much room with him.

"Really, Ed. Have you been living in a cage your entire life? There are entire books written about Harry," Hermione gushed. She was about to say more when Harry lifted a hand to silence her.

"I don't really know what happened. The most powerful wizard in the world, one who'd killed thousands before he got to me, couldn't put a scratch on me. He killed my parents though.."

I lowered my head at that, "I'm sorry.."

"It's no problem. I've forgotten them anyway," Harry sighed and looked out the window at the rolling countryside. Ron rubbed him on the back a bit.

"My house is your house, mate," He smiled. Harry grinned up at him.

"So, this guy. Did he die? Or..?" Al began.

"Did he die? No. He's still out there. We've had several encounters with him the past several years. We've been fighting him ever since I entered Hogwarts."

"This sounds a little like Scar all over again, huh Al?" I wispered. Al nodded. "Let me guess.. Does this guy have some reason to believe he should commit genocide?"

They all nodded, "He thinks that anyone from muggle-born families like me should be eliminated. He calls us mudbloods," Hermione frowned.

"Well, moving on from Dark Lords and dragons.. What's up with you Ed? Are you a first year?" Ron asked.

"I'm sixteen. Why would you call me a first year?" I glared at him, having a feeling I knew what was coming.

"No reason..." Ron seemed to notice the vein popping on my forehead. Smart boy.

"I'm just here on business. We're both tracking something down.." I just hoped it would be here.

"On business? For what?" Harry pressed.

"Oh. It's nothing. Military stuff." I sighed.

For the next five minutes I offered them a severely abridged account of my life.

"And so, we just want to research magic -and its bounty- seeing as it's linked so closely to Alchemy -oh by the way, Al's hollow because of that stuff- we're also here to help someone named Filch -Roy's work, no doubt.-" I paused, deciding to end my tale here.

"Wow. And you're only our age." Hermione breathed.

"I'm sorry about.. your mom." I nodded at Harry. We could understand something together.

"Wicked.."

But just then, the door to the compartment opened, and bleach blond kid stepped up with two cronies behind him.

"Well, well. If it isn't Edward. My father told me all about you..." Malfoy sneered, "He happens to know you father quite well..."

////\\\\\

even I wasn't expecting that xD

reveiws are crack!


	4. Slughorn?

Lrr: sudden change in point of veiw! If you want me to change it back.. um. Let me know?

Decided to add in sixth plot as well.

… 'Cause it's one of my favorites and all... -crickets-

I love abf. The author/artist isn't afraid to break the 4th wall repeatedly. Such a lovely little manga...

…. …. ….

The atmosphere in the compartment changed immediately.

"What are you doing in here, Malfoy?" Harry stood, fists clenched.

"Nothing much. Going for a stroll is all. Mother told me that the famous Edward Elric was coming here. My father used to work with your's, Elric. _Hoenheim_, is it?" Edward twitched involuntarily. Al's armor shivered, "Why don't you come with us?" He gestured to Crabbe and Goyle. Ed looked at them both, deciding they looked too much like gluttony to trust. Or talk to, for that moment. Instead, Ed and Al stared at the two.

"Shove it Malfoy," Ron growled, sensing the brother's discomfort, "Aren't you supposed to be patrolling? Or did you forget you're a prefect?"

"Looks who's talking," Malfoy shot back. But Ed and Al weren't listening. They looked at each other, silently agreeing that Malfoy would be an enemy.

"... If your father was involved with that man," Ed cut the argument off, "Al and I have no business with you."

"Now if you would please leave," Al said.

"No, I think I like it here," Malfoy's face darkened as he pulled out his wand. Ed moved his hands as if to make a transmutation. Crabbe and Goyle made as if to attack anyone who would hurt their boss.

"Enough!" Harry snapped, "Malfoy, leave. Or do you plan on following your father to Azkaband?"

"Wizard's jail," Hermione whispered to Ed and Al's blank faces, "His father's in for helping Voldemort rise back to power."

"Very well Potter. I'll leave now," He looked at the brothers again, "See you later."

"Not likely," Ed mumbled after the door slid shut.

At that minute, a small girl came into the compartment, "I'm supposed to give this to Harry Potter and Edward Elric..." She handed harry two rolls of parchment and hurried out the door.

Harry passed one over to Ed and unrolled his, "Uh oh.."

"What is it, Harry?" Hermione asked.

Harry replied, "Slughorn. The new teacher.. He wants us to go to some meeting.."

Ed looked at Harry questioningly, "Slughorn? I didn't know slugs had horns.."

…. …. ….

Yeah. Gonna use this to rant.. I don't like the way this fic's written xD

My usual style is completely different from,.. pretty much all of my ffs.

I'ma continue it. But I'm probably gonna be changing up the writing style a lot.

… stupid ruddy brain death.


	5. Author's Note

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

/lrr: Right, so I've left this thing just sitting here for about a year... give or take a few months.

Alas, I'm another year older, another year wiser, and I would like to announce that this story is currently on hold.

I plan on outlining possible plots, and rewriting/doctoring/clarifying all of the previous chapters. My writing style has marginally improved so...

(Really, this was originally an off the pill fic, but it's been a daydream subject for about two weeks, so that's a good sign, right?)

But to bring anyone who's still interested in this story up to date...

- I doubt there will be any slash/romance between Ed and the students. It bothers me, and maybe it bothers you and there will be none. But he will be married to McGonagall. You'll see :D

1: EDWARD IS NOT A STUDENT. He was called in to help around the castle. I'm doing some absolutely minor tweaking to the original HBP plot to where a load of students are playing major pranks -brought on by dear Fred and George's mischief the year before- Seeing as Filch is a Squib, students have classes, and teachers have no time for such nonsense, alchemy is a quick and easy way to get rid of swamps in the halls.

2: THIS IS NOT PHILOSPHER'S STONE PLOT. I plan on keeping the plot as close as possible to HBP. But Edwardo will be snooping around in the restricted section. And badgering the gang about the stone's whereabouts and the like.

3: I don't see why Edward would live with the Dursley's :D

4 :Why would he wear school robes?

5: He doesn't really want to sleep with the admittedly aged faculty, so he stays in Gryffindor Tower cause it's Totally Awesome.

6: He often helps Ron out with potions :D (Cause he's a beast and we need SOME fanservice..)

7: He finds Luna amazingly cool.

8: He thinks Snape has wicked sleeves.

9: He loves Hogwarts, and has no desire to visit pigfarts.

Anyway, that's about it. Major thank you's to the people who bear with me in this time of uncertainty. Love to Greyfitti for the 1-sentence inspiration.

That's all, folks.

Be excellent to each other.

Party on, dudes.

(Don't you just hate it when they say it's spelled wrong, but it's spelled right? D:)


	6. What Are We Doing?

Lrr: OMG I THINK I'M ACTUALLY GONNA UPDATE THIS THING!

xD I can't let the Australians down!

"It's so beautiful, y'know. You look around, and there's nothing but darkness, then all of a sudden, they all descend upon you. These little flecks of light just blink into existence and flit around. It's almost as if the stars decided to come visit us."

My thoughts on fireflies. Just wanted to share that with you.

Anyway. Been doing a load of major reconstructive surgery on my personality/outlook on life. So I now present you with... This thing.

…...

"I'm not going."

"Um... Yes you are." Harry blinked at the blonde boy.

Edward crossed his arms and folded his legs, "No-I'm-not. I'm not a student here. I'm not obligated to visit with any horny slugs."

Ron stifled a laugh. Edward glared at him, "Just tell him I... caught a cold. You haven't come up with an antidote for that yet, have you?"

Hermione looked as though she wanted to answer before Ron surreptitiously covered her mouth with his hand.

Harry ran a hand through his unkempt hair, ruffling it up even more, "Alright then."

(Five hours later... At Hogwarts! After the Great Feast mumbo jumbo)

"... Just a few more announcements before we can return to our dorms and cater to our warm bellies," Dumbledore raised his hands and the sleepy chatter in the great hall died down to a soft silence, "Now, in addition to the return of our former potions master, Professor Slughorn, another newcomer, one Edward Elric has joined our faculty as an assistant to Mister Filch. He and his brother will also be conducting research on our grounds, so I trust you'll treat any questions of his with the respect that is expected of you. And now... Off to bed!"

Edward and Al, who had tried unsuccessfully to blend in with the onset of black robed students now felt the entire Hall's eyes upon them. Edward grinned awkwardly, suddenly recognizing for the first time just how red his coat was. Al froze, hoping to be recognized as on of the many suits of armor that adorned the hallways they passed through.

"What are we doing, Ed?"

"Something absolutely insane."

Lrr: That's all for now... but inspiration will strike soon. Just needed to get past this point.


	7. Hard Work

lrr: Swoooooop.

This'll be fun...

…..

"Put your back into it, boy!"

It was the day after sorting and Ed's back was about to break.

"I said...!" Filch began.

A vein popped in Ed's forhead, "Listen, man! I know what you said. Now listen to me, you damn idiot! I'm _helping _you here. The least you could do is stand off while I clean up this freakin mess!"

He turned back toward the green mess that lay before him. There had been three appearences of "portable swamps" before breakfast and an alarming number of fireworks set off. In between these redundant displays of rebellion, there were countless mudstains, cobwebs, and dropped potions that littered the halls of the castle every day.

Ed sighed in despair while Filch ranted behind him. At this rate, he was never going to get a hold of those elusive books. He only hoped Al was having more luck than him. While Ed had managed to keep his automail a secret Al wasn't so lucky, attracting several quizzical glances.

Kneeling, he joined his gloved hands together and cleared another patch of green slime. Filch wasn't having much luck with his mundane mop. If anything he was making the mess worse.

_I bet Colonel Bastard would love to see me now, _Ed mused as he wiped a drop of sweat from his face. The only bright side to this madness was that he wouldn't have to see his smug face for a year.

As Ed cleared away the last of the fabricated swamp, the final bell sounded. Filch snorted in what appeared to be satisfaction and stomped off, Mrs. Norris following close to his heels.

Was he... free? Ed took a few tentative steps backwards before making a beeline for the library. Only problem was... He didn't know where the hell it was. He was accustomed to the small set up at central, not this labyrinth.

Turning a corner and looking for a landmark, Ed ran into Malfoy, face to chest. The pale haired boy looked amused as he folded his arms and grinned down at Ed. Ed scowled in annoyance.

"Looking for something, Edwart?" Malfoy drawled as Crabbe and Goyle cracked their knuckles.

Ed frowned and put a finger to his chin, "As a matter of fact, yes I am. But I don't know if you've heard of it. It's called a Library..."

Malfoy's eyes narrowed, "I don't like your tone, metal boy."

Ed's eyes widened in shock, but he recovered quickly.

Not quickly enough. Malfoy's eyebrows raised in surprise, "So it's true?"

"What are you talking about?" Ed began to walk off, but Malfoy lunged for his right arm, closing it around the cold metal beneath. Ed jerked away, breathing quickly. They stared at eachother for a moment before Malfoy grinned.

"You're mine now, Elric."

lrr: What a jerk. Okay I couldn't resist one slash moment...


End file.
